Band, School, & Band

I'm getting sick of this damn band's lack of discipline. Never showing up on time, never ready when they're supposed to be... I'm just about ready to bitch-slap them all. They don't realize what shame they're putting us in. What's worse is that when I do put my fucking foot down, they ignore me. Forget that I'm the drum majorette, they think they can do whatever they want. Band in general isn't all just fun and games. I only know FIVE people in the band that actually work for what they want to achieve in the band. FIVE. The rest of them talk and talk but don't do anything to work towards it. Idiots.

~

So I'm falling a bit behind on school work, but that's fine for now. As long as I get my things done soon and at a steady pace, I should be set. I'm piled in late work and work that's due soon, especially for Sue's class. I'm so much more worried about math class than anything else, though. Only because Huyck doesn't keep us in check. Tuifua's class I just need to do my homework, which might take a while. Sueoka I need to do my main article and finish it by tomorrow, along with majority of my sketches. Huyck's class I need to do sections 2.7 all the way up to 4.1. That sucks major balls. I'm relatively caught up with the laptop work, but I never want to give it up.

Shit, that reminds me I need to check up on updates with HASMB. They said they'd notify us if we had anything new... right? O__o

Article Due Dates (WTF)

Mmkay so I've realized that my PERSONAL BLOGGING SITE... has become dedicated to Graphics Communications assignments. Meh, I guess that's good. That means most of my personal life revolves around school.

Graphic Comm Articles:

SUB ARTICLE - Tuesday Feb 26 (min. half page single spaced)
MAIN ARTICLE - Thursday Feb 28 (min. one page single spaced)
EDITORS NOTE - Monday Mar 3 (min. half page single spaced)
SKETCHES - Friday Feb 29 (all 8 pages)

Mmkay, off to do my articles. Ciao for now~!

~

Dramas? Maybe.

Hmmmmm so Ed and I are sorta fighting right now. I'm mad as hell, and he's sorry. Frankly I don't care right now. Harr harr.

And I finally got to talk to Jon after a week of torment. His phone was screwed for the several days I tried calling him. ^^ It's good to talk to him again. <3

Christian and Ian, two guys in my class, have started mini businesses selling corn nuts and candy, soo... right now I'm chatting with Jon, blogging, doing a test, and munching on corn nuts with Twix by my hand. Haha, school just keeps getting more fun.

And I have this weird obsession with over-analyzing and ranting about human behavior. I had some good topics earlier, but I forgot. Damn teachers not letting me get on to blog it out.

Band Plans & Sueoka's Class~

Mmkay, an overview as to whats going on in band and for band.

So, I guess since no one is going up for the position next year, I remain drum majorette. Yesterday's rehearsal we'd done several football songs that we might be performing at next Tuesday's Freshman Orientation. Afterwards, Kea pulled out Rattlesnake and Malaguena and gave me extra copies of the scores, which probably means he approves of me being majorette again. Rattlesnake and Malaguena introductions will probably be easy: straight "W"s (except for Rattlesnake, it'll be the 3/4 W), then fermatta, tempo change with straight 4/4s. Not much else after that, really. I need to think more. D:<

This coming Thursday, I plan to skip rehearsal to go to Kapolei's band rehearsal. Supposedly, all surveys are to be finished by tomorrow (Thursday), and I'm not completely finished with my interviewings. I interviewed Kea the other day, and he provided me with a lot of things I didn't know about the band. I plan to interview Mr... Alexander, is his name?... to compare what he says about themes to what Kea said.
Also, Im going to interview one or two Kapolei band members to get the feel of how they think of band and whatnot. I can't wait to find out whos going to Rose Bowl and who isn't.

REMINDER:
Bring Olympus tomorrow for the pictures. Also, don't forget release forms for pictures.





~



AC CORE NOTES:
-First biggest font: Title
-2nd: Main article
-Biggest pic = related to main article
-smaller sub-articles = smaller pics & fonts
-written in columns for easier reading
-main article usually has txt wrap (goes around an image)
-index/table o contents = article, pic, little description, pg number.
-first page & back page = usually an ad
(USE FOR SKETCHES. GO HOME, LOOK @ MAG LAYOUTS.)

Oh, and finish up drafts. Final magazine doesn't need to be exactly as drafts, but do it to know which direction you're going with it.

Sueoka's Classroom and Random Feelings

Mr. Sueoka has informed his class that all surveys, interviews, and polls are due on Thursday. On Friday, we'll begin writing out our articles for our magazines. This probably would not be a problem if my magazine had pertained to normal people in this classroom or in the school. Sadly... it does not. It extends all the way out to other schools such as Kapolei, Mililani, and even Punahou. Please, though I doubt anyone is reading this, if you could find out your school's band rehearsal dates, give them to me. Comment back with your name, your school name, and the band's afterschool rehearsal dates and times. I need this done.

So Kapolei is probably a given: I'm definitely going... sometime soon. Now, all I need to do is get the day to go over and steal away my mother's awesome camera, and I'm good to go. Hm... I wonder how their band director will take me in. Eegh... scary thought.

Okay, so this week plan, if my mother agrees to it:
Tuesday, survey one more Campbell band member. Attend concert, and ask Mr. Kea if it's alright to take pictures of the band when performing one song. INTERVIEW KEA. D: Oh god...

Wednesday, interrogate the living shit out of Arvin (PCHS Charger) and maybe another Charger BG.

Thursday, band rehearsal. Attempt for another high school, if mother permits.

Friday, Nothing yet.

Saturday, try to get out to meet with Damien band boys.

Sunday, try to catch Yahata boys (Rhys or Jayce, maybe both) and interview them. Pertaining to subarticles, ask Tiffy about concert band.

~

I feel nothing for hardly anyone anymore. I've stopped caring about love, and what it provides. I want nothing to do with any relationship right now. I feel that Jon may have forgotten that I even exist...
Oh well.

I'm beginning to believe my mother just wants to throw me out into the street or trashcan, whichever she finds appropriate. Maybe I've been deserving this. Haha. Yeah, that's probably it.

I don't know if I like this or not, but I've been very apathetic about many things that have NOTHING to do with school lately. Eds sad? I don't care. Camis depressed? Whatever. I don't know, when people complain to me lately I find it hard to feel sympathetic. It's liberating, but I'm not sure if it makes me seem heartless. Hm.

My Valentine

Today is Valentines Day, but for the pessimists... well, today would be Single Awareness Day. The exchange of chocolates, balloons, candies, hugs, handshakes, kisses, saliva, STDs... well, those are made today.

I dislike today. Plain and simple. I have many reasons, but I lack the time to explain. Maybe some other night. I continue to blog in class, because I recently found myself grounded from the computer at home. Huzzah.

~

The Lonesome;

It's irrational, yes I know, but I feel worthless nonetheless. I feel like a burden. A big, ugly, horrible burden. What am I but a pawn in this life that this so-called "God" only creates to dispose of? I'm waiting for an answer, dammit! Why am I here?

I'm ruthless and disgusting to those that I hold closer to me than my closest of friends. I'm so hideously different. Why can't I be like them? I try to correct myself and restrain from any self-damage when I feel like it, but that never is enough. Once I've had it, I'm a weakling to the pleasures of my pain. Cut cut cut, and I'm vulnerable to all that I've fought against. Why must I be so weak? I try and try to find the strength that they all have, but... I don't have it. Is it possible for me to be born of a different father? Because emotionally, I am NOT my father's daughter.

~

The day I actually want to cry to my friends, they all leave me hanging in class. What are friends but other people to rely on? I'd say more, but I seem to only cry to them when I really need them. Where am I after that? Floating around, probably. Maybe I am fake. I'm not sure who I am or whats supposed to become of me.

The people who supposedly call themselves my friends in many of my classes want nothing to do with me when I'm sad. Why? I don't know. Am I that scary? Maybe they're only pretending to get something out of me, but what would they want? I have nothing. Not even true friends. My true friends are gone, someplace else.

Freewrite

Let me tell you all a little something about my Creative Writing class. Our teacher, Ms. Jones, has us write about whatever comes to mind, but on a subject. It's called a freewrite. She gives us a word or a starting phrase, and we write about it from there. I can be about whatever comes to mind about that word or phrase.

Todays freewrite was called "Do You Know..."

Meh, I guess I'll write it out once I get home. I'm in fourth period, the last period of the day and the bell should be ringing in two minutes. In the meantime, I'm just going to write whatever comes to mind.

I think it's incredible how the human race thinks. When given a compliment, some of us have a natural tendency to deny it. I believe that's called modesty. Now, if someone compliments us as to how smart we are, naturally a modest person will say, "Oh no, I'm not really that smart. I'm kinda stupid. D:"
However, once insulted, we turn our statements around and become defensive. So if someone calls you a "stupid ass", our natural reaction is to say "fuck you!" or... something along those lines. I doubt earlier generations would've retorted with that.
Why is this? One second, a person may be saying, "No I'm not all that smart. :blushblush:". Then the next, they'll react to an insult by defending themselves with a statement that TOTALLY contradicts their earlier statement.

I'm still completely astounded by my species... :|


EDIT:
I'm at home now, it's been about 6 hours since I first wrote this entry. Here's the freewrite I mentioned.

Do you know who I am? Ouside, I probably seem simple, right? Simple Lina, simple me. Lina wants love, right? Love, love loooove.

I don't like love. Yet I find myself wanting it. I don't like the people who just love so easily. "I love him/her," they say. "Forever and ever and everrr..." Stupid emotions, stupid notions! You're 15 or 16, what is love? We think we know, but we DON'T. I dislike my age group. So naive. Those that beg and plead for love; those that cry, "He's with her, now he's with me, but he loves her..."; those who misuse the word love, haven't been properly hurt. Wait until your heart completely shatters, until you've cried til your eyes run dry. Then you'll know what love MIGHT be.

False Judgement

I'm sitting in class right now (more specifically my second period, Graphics Communications). I have nothing to do, since I got all my work done beforehand, and I'm getting dirty looks shot at me. Why? It could be for many reasons.

I sit at the end of a row of computers, right in front of Mr. Sueoka. Across the row from me, behind my computer, are my two friends Rae(chelle) and Kevan. Next to Kevan is some guy. White, blue-eyed I believe, with an almost skin-bald shave cut. Looks like a punk. Not an "asshole" punk, but a punk. It's also a given that he's into the punk scene; his magazine project is all on Punk music. :| I'll just refer to him as "Guy."

So, I'm talking to Kev, and I tell him I'm all done with my work while he's wracking his brain trying to think of articles. I tell him I did my stuff all at home, and (thanks to my band skills) out of the corner of my eye, I see Guy looking down at me like I'm stupid and he turns away, back to his computer, and rolls his eyes while shaking his head.
"Loserr." Maybe "Whatever, you know-it-all."
HOW am I a know-it-all? D: That sets me off. Seriously. I mean, maybe I'm no better with ditzy air-headed girls that can't tell a Suzuki from a Toyota, but my deductions on them are REASONABLE. Not like I go calling those ditzy people sluts, I just call them air-heads, because it's true.
Now, why would someone look at me and call me a brainiac or a know-it-all? I'm FAR from that. Sure, maybe my GPA last year was a 4.0, but I cheated that. I took those classes in 8th grade. That's just as bad as stereotypes.

School Produces A Failure

They should've just aborted me when I was concieved.

For most of my life, I was smart. I knew how to go beyond 'average'.
Now I'm stupid. How did that come about?
Yes, my GPA dropped a bit.
4.0 to a 3.6. Oh god, life is over!
:rolls eyes:

Mother had chewed me out a couple weeks back, telling me to join NHS.
She said I can make it, for one. Then she said that the thing I love most is only bringing me down. So yeah, screw band. Screw their needs, and my needs for them.
"Lina, you can love soda! But will soda help you survive your entire life?"
I'm in high school. Please let me act like a high schooler. D:

Here, a little something I wrote in notepad:

My mother bore a failure.She bore a baby girl, destined to fall.She says,"NHS is for you. Why won't you try for it?It requires leadership and the grades."


"Second thought, no...You lack the leadership, and your grades..."
Then the teacher says that he feels like he's talking to stupid people.I feel like... he meant me...Am I stupid? I must be.He was talking about me, I bet...He said that, and I thought of dear old mother...And it made me cry... I cried so hard, what did I do?Just walked outta class.
Like a failure.
Walked out and cried.Pathetic, ne?Yeah, that's all I am.I'm simply...
a failure.


:Sigh:
I think my problem is that I complain too much, yet do too little.
Yeah... that's my problem.