The Lonesome;

It's irrational, yes I know, but I feel worthless nonetheless. I feel like a burden. A big, ugly, horrible burden. What am I but a pawn in this life that this so-called "God" only creates to dispose of? I'm waiting for an answer, dammit! Why am I here?

I'm ruthless and disgusting to those that I hold closer to me than my closest of friends. I'm so hideously different. Why can't I be like them? I try to correct myself and restrain from any self-damage when I feel like it, but that never is enough. Once I've had it, I'm a weakling to the pleasures of my pain. Cut cut cut, and I'm vulnerable to all that I've fought against. Why must I be so weak? I try and try to find the strength that they all have, but... I don't have it. Is it possible for me to be born of a different father? Because emotionally, I am NOT my father's daughter.

~

The day I actually want to cry to my friends, they all leave me hanging in class. What are friends but other people to rely on? I'd say more, but I seem to only cry to them when I really need them. Where am I after that? Floating around, probably. Maybe I am fake. I'm not sure who I am or whats supposed to become of me.

The people who supposedly call themselves my friends in many of my classes want nothing to do with me when I'm sad. Why? I don't know. Am I that scary? Maybe they're only pretending to get something out of me, but what would they want? I have nothing. Not even true friends. My true friends are gone, someplace else.